I tell you what – these things are revolutionary. They’ll change the face of walking. Designed by Big G of Emperor’s New Boots, they’re Brilliant for British Bogs. They dry instantly, are extreeeeeeemly lightweight (I defy anybody to find lighter footwear) – they have some kind self-mending mechanism which repairs any small nicks or itches, they’re really cheap and they’re so simple a toddler could quickly learn to use them.
On the downside, they’re absolutely useless on steep grass or small pebbles or scree. Or thistles.
Bogs present no problem, though and there’s none of this fannying around trying to find firm ground – no, you just plunge on through. Warm cow pats are a joy. Peaty stains just fall off.
All this was because I turned up at the little concrete car park at the foot of Swindale with two proper boots. Unfortunately, these were from different pairs of boots and both were left feet. I started off walking in trainers, so. This was fine on the road, but the first squishy bit of bog after joining the corpse road to Mardale was unpleasant and, as with the nudieboots, they were lethal on steep grass. So I took ‘em off. I walked about four miles over the grassy moors just left of Swindale. Its pretty much all grass and bog, so I managed to get a fair pace on once I’d got used to the tickling. The squishy bits were refreshing. I collected rare sedges between my toes. A Fully Equipped family with a dog did a double-take. It was quite good, really.
I did 8 miles and 1400 feet of upness and bagged the Birkett Brown Howe. I was also going to go for another one on the South side of Swindale but I’d have never got there in one piece. Brown Howe was nice, though and has a fine view of Haweswater and High Stile and stuff like that.
Never mind.
It was the dog’s fault. he makes such a fuss when the rucksack comes out, I tend to forget stuff in all the..er…. thing……
26 comments:
Mike, I wonder how many people will start reading this thinking they have come across a new brand of UL footwear. Very funny :)
Do they go well with the Virtual Trousers?.
Tip: Don't wear that ensemble north of the border, not unless you want free B&B for the rest of your days...
What yer tryin' ter say, like, Mark....?
Virtual boots Alan...! There the very next thing, I expect...
Dammit, what we want is a mechanism to edit comments, taking out spealin mistakes. They're there their.... dhuhh.....
First it was 'no maps'. Now boots. What will you be doing without next? It's a public service you're carrying out here trying out cutting edge weight saving ideas like this so the rest of us don't have to. Like that chap in TGO who advocated making your own tarp from clingfilm. Or something like that anyroad. I hope that these feats of derring-do and experimental minimalist hiking won't go too far. I imagine you saving weight on food and foraging for bog-cotton and tormentil salads. I recall that Hamish Brown got there with the virtual trousers some time ago, but I can't see the good citizens of Crook and Billy Row taking too kindly to naked ramblers.
(Have to confess I did the same thing with mismatched boots meself a few weeks back - I walked in a pair of brogues which didn't do my plantar fasciwhatsit much good.)
Cheers Mike, needed a good giggle before I could face the day.
Trouble is, the manufacturing standards vary so much. Mine are hopeless on mud with any slope to it.
The Mk 2 version isn't too bad on pebbles and stuff, but oyu can't get hold of a pair until your Mk 1s have thoroughly worn in.
I'm about to test out an extremely lightweight method of accomodation provision. Its called a de bit card. Prolly a French idea, I suspect. Too cold to lose any more clothing, though...
Zed - this is true. What's needed is some kind of natural hobnail. Placing the nails at the front and not along the sides is a serious design fault.
Mk2's are very gnarly, I understand, 4winds. Mine are quite sensitive. But then, I'm an artist. 07:21 is still the middle of the night here in Crook, Louise. You can get stuff for insomnia y'know. Its called "merlot".
A good idea these 'bareskin booties'...nobody gunna buy em though, not until they've won 'best in test' in Trial Magazine...send a pair to that Geoff bloke (the gear guy) can't imagine the postage costing much.
You can't buy these, Owdbum, and once they've been fitted, you're not really supposed to take them off.
Unless you're Long John Silver.
http://owdbum.blogspot.com/2011/09/forget-what-i-said-before.html
Ooer - A fig roll. I like the video. I have the t-shirt....
Love it, brought a smile to my face.
No way does such footwear exist, Knipe, or am I missing something ?
They definately exist, Peter. They're a bit retro, admittedly...
Bloody brilliant! Aint laughed so much at a blog post for long time. :)
Can you get them in half sizes?
Thanks dawn and Terry - we aim to please...
James - I believe they might do. I also discovered recently that they're very useful in more advanced arithmetic. I can now count up to twenty. Multi-tasking, see?
You have discovered why Scots Gaelic numerology is in units of 20, like our French allies with their quatre vingt. Frostbite losses in a typical summer does complicate matters, though
I once managed to count up to twenty one, John. I was having a problem with my trousers at the time, I seem to remember.
I have been telling you lot for years that GOG is the best thing for walking. Dries instantly, self repairing and cheap. Now try using it all over instead of just on your feet!
Grumpy.
Thanks, Mr G, good advice, I'm sure, though p'raps not around the judicial facilities in Stirling.
..Slight delay on the blog due to me doing some enjoyable family stuff.... normal service resuming very shortly
Very funny - thanks for cheering me up!
BTW I was once told that during the Crimean War (or somesuch) Britain sent out adelivery of new boots to the forces via ships - left boots in one boat, right boots in the other. And, of course, one sank. That's millitary intellegence for you.
Anyway, I reckon that puts you in good company!
Apparently, Jules, army rations used to come in unlabelled tins, so you could open several tins of toilet rolls before you got to the corned beef.....
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