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Saturday, 21 September 2013

Nearly Time for the Skinny Dip

careful!

I’m not having second thoughts about this – oh, no, in fact I’ve been practising Cold Weather Survival.

Its at dawn in the morning – the time most often given over to dealing drastically with deserters, spies, traitors and bowls of weetabix.

Thanks to my on-line sponsors, who now include – in addition to those previously mentioned – Becky, Alan (cheese and wine party) Sloman, Martin (I really wish I had a Hilleberg Akto) Rye and Norma and John Keohane who’s generous offer of doubling their donation if I provide photographic proof that I can do a headstand in the sea will probably not be taken up. (I’m hopeless at headstands and anyway asking somebody to hold my legs could well be taken the wrong way and nobody wants to be taken the wrong way)

Also thanks to the loadsa folks who signed my sponsor form and made various donations large and small, making my total so far at around £275 or so.

But, don’t feel guilty about not donating so far – there’s still plenty of time to cough up some dosh – in fact the on-line facility will remain in place for another 30 days. C’mon now, folks, give yourself that warm and cosy glow of smug self-satisfaction of giving away your hard-earned spondoolies to a worthy cause. We wouldn’t want you to suffer any pangs about being called an auld scrooge or being left out. It’ll be good for your soul. Your karma will be enhanced and remember – what goes around comes around, so don’t be a tight-arse like this chap:

Click here

don't click

 

Sunday, 15 September 2013

An Ear Worm Does Dartmoor

no idea where this is   dhuhh

Hey ! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to
Hey ! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

first camp nr ivybridge


Though I know that evenin's empire has returned into sand
Vanished from my hand
Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping
My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet
I have no one to meet
And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
Hey ! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to

galloways


Hey ! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.
Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship
My senses have been stripped, my hands can't feel to grip
My toes too numb to step, wait only for my boot heels
To be wanderin'
I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade
Into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way
I promise to go under it.

second camp hooten wheals


Hey ! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to
Hey ! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.
Though you might hear laughin', spinnin' swingin' madly across the sun
It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
And but for the sky there are no fences facin'
And if you hear vague traces of skippin' reels of rhyme
To your tambourine in time, it's just a ragged clown behind
I wouldn't pay it any mind, it's just a shadow you're
Seein' that he's chasing.

he's very proud

some misty top or other


Hey ! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to
Hey ! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.
Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow

don't touch anything!

misty...

wet camp night 3
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves
Let me forget about today until tomorrow.
Hey ! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to
Hey ! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you

galloways eating tussocks

follow the road

Monday, 9 September 2013

Another Intermission

upper weardale near ireshopeburn
Right, that’s it – if you’re all going to avoid my sponsorship begging post, I’m going to Dartmoor. In the morning. No, don’t try to stop me, my mind’s made up (this phrase translates as a “happy mind” in Liverpool by the way).
early in the morning, just before eleven o’clock, I’m catching a train which leads to another train, then another train, then another train which, if they all link up, will see me getting off a train (another train) in Ivybridge which is somewhere down there. From there I will head North and, hopefully, will arrive in due course in Okehampton where I have a bed booked and paid for in a B&B.
I will return shortly after that, hopefully to a bunch of emails from Richard Branson detailing the amounts and bawdy comments of many and various generous donators.
DSCN0536
The website link for donating  to my sponsored strip utterly and brutally naked and plunge enthusiastically into the dangerously hypothermic waves at Druridge Bay is here
In the meantime , here’s a song which has nothing at all to do with the subject in question.
The pics on this post are from recent rangering reccies up Teesdale and Weardale for walks for the winter Durham County Council guided walks programme.




Gimme yr money or I’ll take me pants off!

Friday, 6 September 2013

They’re All Coming Off For Charriddeee


chicken!
Oh bugger, I’ve done it now. This was the ever-so-slight sinking feeling when this morning I signed up for a world record attempt at the most people to go skinny-dipping in one place at one time.
This ever-so-slightly lunatic escapade will happen at dawn on 22 September 2013 at Druridge Bay in Northumberland and lots of people (hopefully anyway, I wouldn’t want to do this by myself) will be doffing off and running screaming (probably) into the North Sea, not the world’s warmest bit of briney.
Why?
Its for chariddee (don’t normally like to talk about it) – in this case, the spondoolies will be shared 50/50 between Mind and the National Trust
There’s some links here:
Local national Trust article

skinny dip facebook page

and , for those who would like to give me money to take all my clothes off and run shivering into the sea

pieman's sponsorship page

and for those who would like to give me lots of money to keep my clothes on.

its the same page, innit?
dawn on lindisfarne (not too far away from druridge bay)
‘Course, the worst bit is having to tell people. I am braced, braced, I say, for a bit of a ribbing. Gwan, do yer worst. Its a fiver on the sponsorship page for every jape, crack or attempt at nudie banter.
Comments involving double-entendre will require twice as much.
Think of it as a kind of swear box.
Incidentally, if you want a line of  double entendre, ask  JJ and he’ll give you one.
Lets just hope that its not like this:
aap crook 017
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Tuesday, 3 September 2013

Pennine Way Forest in Teesdale to Cauldron Snout

view from cow green dam wall

I seem to have a mental block about Cronkley Spout  Cauldron Snout. I caught myself calling it Cautley Spout… dhuhh…..   It’s the one up Teesdale, just below the Cow Green dam. In fact, despite the fact that the waterfall always has an impressive flow of roaring, foaming water, gushing at a rate of flow that would take your foot off, it' all comes out of a pipe at the foot of Cow green dam – unless the water is coming over the overflow which can also add quite a bit. In fact, the River Tees here is being used to transport water from Cow Green to the sinks and toilets of the good citizens of Darlington who also use it to eke out the essential supplies in their pubs. Its cheaper than a pipe, see, and stops a lot of damaging flooding.

This walk was the last of a series of five Durham County Council guided walks who’s aim was to complete the part of the Pennine Way which lies inside County Durham. basically, this means walking from the fence just left a bit from Tan Hill pub, to the bridge just below Cow Green dam, plus the Bowes Loop. This, we managed to complete.

river tees near langdon beck fluffy

I did the reccy a week last Sunday. Everything was fine. I met a rotweiller puppy, who decided that a walk was a good idea and bounced along biting molehills and running about daft. I took her back to the farm and she got locked in.

near widdybank

Later, I had a little row with a fisherman at Widdybank farm. I was climbing the stile and this dweeb’s back-casting nearly took my ear off. Even later, I thought that if I’d reported it as a “near miss” at Widdybank, that would have been the end of his day’s fishing. They’re well-up on Health and Safety at Widdybank, so they are… It would have been a w****y thing to do anyway. If it happens again, though, I’ll probably do it…

abandoned tent

Then I found a tent. Somebody wild camping…?  A bit naughty, but not as naughty as removing the Pieman’s right ear with a hook. It was still there a week later, so I took a peek inside, having a little sniff first, just in case somebody had expired whilst waiting for their chicken curry to rehydrate (this could happen – it takes eight minutes). There was nobody in. There was, however, a sleeping mat, some plastic sheeting (probably for the Victim), a lunchbox, a used tissue and a puddle, which appeared to be rainwater. I reported it by email to Widdybank. I suspect its just been abandoned – its a cheapo tent – and a leaky one. It’s, basically, litter.

climbing scrotal scout

On the day (last Sunday), there were nine of us and a small dog. Stewards were Ian, Anne and Sheila. It was a bit windy. We didn’t meet the rotty pup and nobody fell off the Cautley Force waterfall – or whatever it’s called. I thought it was a bit cold, to be honest.  Brrrrrr…

harwood

There’s a map showing the route. Its a good walk. Its probably not ideal for anybody scared of dogs, slippery rocks or cows. Its about 12 miles too…  The thirsty could get a pint at Langdon Beck Hotel for a small extra effort.

This is not the end of the Pieman’s 2013 affair with the Pennine Way, though – oh no…  At the end of September, I’m leading a walk for the North Pennines AONB Alf (quite a pretty sheep over there..) Wainwright' celebration of his Pennine Journey with a walk from Tan Hill to Baldersdale. Luckily, we won’t be going anywhere near Crumple Sprout – that’s somebody else’s job.

[w forest to cow green