Windermere Contains Dangerous Levels of Cheese Claim Scientists

Tree Ruined by Over-Exposure to Blue Stilton

I don’t think this is particularly true, but several commentators have got quite animated about it recently. Thos who don’t think there’s any cheese in Windermere, particularly Dangerous Anthropologically Produced Crumbly Lancashire have their hands stamped on and labelled Lactose Intolerant Deniers (LIDS), despite all actual evidence to the contrary that anything crumbly or full of holes but tasting of cheese is to be found in the murky depths below all those sailing boats.

So, today, me and superdawg picked up the Bro in Kendal and went off to find out for ourselves.

Our first Port of Call was the imaginatively named “Unnamed Summit, School Knott 247metres”  This was well frozen today and has a small outcrop on the top. The view of Windermere was all right, I suppose.

We then trogged off to the venerated Grandsire. This is a nice little hill with a small outcrop on the top. You can see Windermere from there quite well.

Down the hill we went to a small and solidly frozen little tarn, which Bruno had a little skate on, and then the tough 30 metre climb up to yer Actual School Knott.  This has a small outcrop on the top and a bit of a view of Windermere.

You can probably detect a theme by now.

We wandered around a Windermere housing estate for a bit, ran panicking across the outrageously busy  and maniac-haunted A591, being passed by three girly runners with lovely bottoms, and up through the woods to Orrest Head, which has some small outcrops on the top and a view of Windermere, plus, as a bonus, some benches to sit on.

It was here that I scoffed my chicken salad sandwich.

We lurked through various back allies, footpaths and the rougher parts of Windermere town, where some of the housing is worth less than a million and a half quid, and then upwards and along a bit to a view point, which had some outcrops and a view of Windermere, finally emerging on the summit of Brant fell, with it’s outcrops and fine view of Windermere. We tried to climb an outcrop but fell off.

Cheese? We couldn’t detect any. This is not conclusive, obviously. Lack of cheese on just the one day doesn’t necessarily mean there isn’t any.

I trust the scientists, me. I think they’re great.

Anyway, we did about 9 miles and 1500 feet of upwards movement. Bruno’s poo bag split whilst he was crossing a wall (I’d tied it to his lead as I don’t really like to put those things in my pockets or rucksack in case they..er…split….) Dhuhh.