Wednesday, 5 December 2018

Teesdale Overnight

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The knipemobile’s little tiff with the X1 Darlington to Tow Law bus last Monday has interfered particularly with Lucky The Dog’s outdoor activities, mainly in view of the fact that he’s Not Allowed to ride in the huge and sinisterly black minibus that they’ve given me as a courtesy car. There was a plan to have a few days in the Western Lake District this week, but that was stymied by an arrangement for an engineer to inspect the damage to my car. Instead, I thought we could fit in an overnight in Teesdale and had a spot in mind. “We” being me and Dawn. LTD has been packed off to Halifax cos he couldn’t come anyway, so he’s in the tender care of Mrs K who is visiting in Yorkshire - and I’ve also got an appointment for walkies near Tarn Hows on Thursday which would have to be dogless too….
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So, me and Dawn went off to Forest-in-Teesdale, erected our tabernacles at sunset and settled down to a freezing cold night which extended from half past four in the afternoon to eight o’clock the next morning. This is a long time in a sleeping bag, staying warm. But I actually enjoy it. I had my little radio, a small but bijoux supply of 40% proof and the ability to stay pretty much catatonic for hours and hours and hours…
Nothing really happened. The quarry nearby was a bit noisy and a fox barked somewhere.
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So, by way of amusement with the marginal possibility of usefulness, I’m going to write about the scoffing.
The main meal was a Bla Band Chicken Stew (aka curry) . This is a dehydrated meal which requires only the addition of boiling water and ten minutes. And it was very nice. I will get some more of this. It’s a bit high in sugar at 28 grammes. This is about four times more than even a vaguely healthy level of sugar and just 2 grammes short of the RDI. It has 625 calories and, I expect that much of this is a quick but brief surge of blood glucose. Just the thing for anybody who needs a short period of happiness followed by a nap. The problem is, that I found it absolutely delicious. Nom nom. If you eat this, a mince pie for afters would be out of the question.
The dessert was to be  a BeWell Custard with Apple – boiling water to be added. This has a picture of Sir Ranuplh Fiennes on the front trying to look tough, but actually looking as if he’s been a bit surprised by a demand for excessive amounts of cash for a milky coffee. The slogan by his picture is “Used by really tough guys like Sir Ranulph Fiennes” Why BeWell should aim their marketing at just half of the population is a mystery; there’s no mention of tough girls at all and why people who aren’t very tough (I count myself in this category) don’t eat Custard with Apple is a puzzle.  The second mystery concerns the ironic use of the name “BeWell”. The pudding weighs 180 grammes dry weight and 87 grammes of this are sugar. This is, more or less, three times the recommended daily intake of sugar for an adult. Basically, it’s a bag of sugar with some bits of apple in it. I couldn’t possibly have eaten it. It was a mistake to carry it in in the first place. Does anybody want to buy an unused Custard With Apple?  Would I buy it again? Not on your sugary nellie I wouldn’t. I have wasted my cash and, as a Yorkshireman, you can imagine how serious this is. Anyhow, the sugar content is probably why this isn’t marketed at children.  You can imagine, I suppose, the trouble this amount of ket (Co Durham dialect word for “sweeties) would cause in a tent. You’d never get the little darlings to sleep.
I filled up on Soreen and cheese and some cheap scotch. Don’t try to lecture me about the fat and alcohol content of this bijoux supper….  Ta.
Eventually, after a long time during which the tent turned white and froze solid and the water in my water bags stiffened up quite a bit, a grey dawn dawned. It was time for breakfast.
For brekkies, I had a Food on the Move Chocolate Granola. This has 468 calories – just add water. It’s hard to say how much of this is sugar since the nutritional information only comments on carbohydrates – 49.5 grammes. I was a little disappointed by this meal. I think their porridges are better. I’m not a big fan of granola. At least I have this confirmed.
We had to return a bit early from our campings due to another inspection of the knipemobile – in the end it only had one, and now they’ve taken it away.
So, the car’s gone; the wife’s gone and the dog’s gone. I really miss the dog.

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