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Monday, 3 January 2011

Windermere Contains Dangerous Levels of Cheese Claim Scientists

wainwrights 008 Tree Ruined by Over-Exposure to Blue Stilton
I don’t think this is particularly true, but several commentators have got quite animated about it recently. Thos who don’t think there’s any cheese in Windermere, particularly Dangerous Anthropologically Produced Crumbly Lancashire have their hands stamped on and labelled Lactose Intolerant Deniers (LIDS), despite all actual evidence to the contrary that anything crumbly or full of holes but tasting of cheese is to be found in the murky depths below all those sailing boats.
So, today, me and superdawg picked up the Bro in Kendal and went off to find out for ourselves.
unnamed summit outcrop
Our first Port of Call was the imaginatively named “Unnamed Summit, School Knott 247metres”  This was well frozen today and has a small outcrop on the top. The view of Windermere was all right, I suppose.
We then trogged off to the venerated Grandsire. This is a nice little hill with a small outcrop on the top. You can see Windermere from there quite well.
dog on ice
Down the hill we went to a small and solidly frozen little tarn, which Bruno had a little skate on, and then the tough 30 metre climb up to yer Actual School Knott.  This has a small outcrop on the top and a bit of a view of Windermere.
You can probably detect a theme by now.
spot the cheese shop
We wandered around a Windermere housing estate for a bit, ran panicking across the outrageously busy  and maniac-haunted A591, being passed by three girly runners with lovely bottoms, and up through the woods to Orrest Head, which has some small outcrops on the top and a view of Windermere, plus, as a bonus, some benches to sit on.
It was here that I scoffed my chicken salad sandwich.
cheesy fells from Orrest head
We lurked through various back allies, footpaths and the rougher parts of Windermere town, where some of the housing is worth less than a million and a half quid, and then upwards and along a bit to a view point, which had some outcrops and a view of Windermere, finally emerging on the summit of Brant fell, with it’s outcrops and fine view of Windermere. We tried to climb an outcrop but fell off.
branty fell bouldering quarry
Cheese? We couldn’t detect any. This is not conclusive, obviously. Lack of cheese on just the one day doesn’t necessarily mean there isn’t any.
I trust the scientists, me. I think they’re great.
Anyway, we did about 9 miles and 1500 feet of upwards movement. Bruno’s poo bag split whilst he was crossing a wall (I’d tied it to his lead as I don’t really like to put those things in my pockets or rucksack in case they..er…split….) Dhuhh.
woutliers

7 comments:

Alan Sloman said...

Michael: You are a very naughty Boy.
Now write out one hundred times... "I must not take the piss out of those who should know better..."

The poo-bag split was karma. Interesting walk...

Mike Knipe said...

OK, it was a bit cheesy, but I'm waiting for something a bit more po-faced from commentators, Alan.

petercrawford said...

Interesting walk, Mike. If I may be po-faced for a second: It is a known fact that Manmade Global Cheesing is a direct result of Audi drivers and the like polluting the atmosphere with their radioactive chicken salad sandwiches and CO2 emitting pies. The science is settled.
Source - Dairy Angler. The magazine for people who think you catch cheeses in the sea.

Mike Knipe said...

Cheese levels in Holyhead are predicted to rise by the way, Peter. I'd buy pickles. Just a tip....

Al said...

Ah, Mr Knipe, you make jest of the lack of cheese at your peril, as the poo bag incident confirms, the "magic imp" will always get you!!
On a more serious note these low hills were the playground of my youth, many a day/evening was spent playing, riding our bikes to destruction and scrambling over the rocks. How irresponsible of my parents to let me do such things....

Mike Knipe said...

Al - what a very fine place indeed, to grow up.
But , take it from me, Al, there is very little, if any, cheese in Loch Windermere - maybe the odd trace from a yachter's discarded butty. But, in general terms, its negligible, and , with the advent of healthy eating, it is in serious decline, too. No, really....
Actually, we dread the new fashion for statins.... eat as much cheese as you like and still get a lower cholesterol. They will reap the wind, mark my words...

Mike Knipe said...

Ooh good, I can hardly contain the dribbling....
Mrs K's cholesterol might be lower with less bacon....